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Cholesterol

from All Is Not Forgotten by Siobhan Miller

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lyrics

I've been taking advice on the right things to eat
Since shortly before I was born
Frae the national dried milk to the cod liver oil
To powdered rhinoceros horn
In they days they telt us to gie up the starches
The sugars, potatoes and breid
Noo they've done a U-turn, tell us breid and potatoes
Will gie us the fibre we need

I've made up my mind that these menus designed
By the experts just arenae for me
No trained dietician or general practitioner
Dictates what I'll have for my tea
Broon breid with a low fat paste thinly spread on
May be healthier than a meat pie
But who wants to grow old eating St. Ivel Gold
I would raither taste butter and die

Cholesterol, Cholesterol
Oh my chance of survival is small
Well I'll no get a dose o’ anorexia nervosa
Cause I love my cholesterol

Noo the thing that has brought this affair to a heid
Is the Guid-Hearted Glesga campaign
Well I just said 'What's that?’ and the doc had his needle
Sooking blood oot my haundiest vein
Two weeks later they measured my height and my weight
And they took my blood pressure and a’
A computer said “Mate, to survive at your weight
You would need to be seiven feet tall”
I'm no gonna take the suggestions they make
About changing the food that I eat
All this cuttin’ oot cheese, nae chips if you please
Nae chocolate, nae ice cream, nae meat
They tell you to gi’e up these goodies below
And they promise you pie in the sky
Well semi-skimmed milk may diminish my bulk
But I'll take double cream till I die

Cholesterol, Cholesterol
Oh my chance of survival is small
All the cream I consume, it may lead to my doom
But I love my cholesterol

Noo it's all right for you that smoke forty a day
And you spend every night in a bar
You can tell the health visitor you'll cut it doon
She'll say “What a fine fellow you are”
But when I telt her I'd never smoked in my life
And that I was teetotal to boot
She just says “Get away, you’ve nothing to dae
You've nae vices that you can cut oot”
I don't mind them probing in my haemoglobin
If it's just for a case history
But it pits the health visitor in tae a tizz
At her duty to try and save me
She says “Fresh fruit and yoghurt's a lovely dessert
Why don't you give it a try?”
Well I don't gie a hoot for her yoghurt and fruit
I'll have Black Forest gateau and die

Cholesterol, Cholesterol
Oh my chance of survival is small
Well the way that I dine I’m in line for angina
But I love my cholesterol

credits

from All Is Not Forgotten, released August 18, 2020

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Siobhan Miller Glasgow, UK

Siobhan Miller is a Scottish folk singer and songwriter. Her soulful and stirring renewal of traditional song has won her the 2018 BBC Radio 2 Folk Award for Best Traditional Track, and BBC Alba Scots Singer of the Year an unprecedented three times. Her four solo albums showcase her remarkable depth of talent from original contemporary material to traditional Scottish folk songs. ... more

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